Dear Guru,

I have a 14-year-old younger sister - A - who always shares her secrets with me. She even tells me those things that she doesn’t want to tell our parents. Recently, she has told me that she likes a boy, H. He also likes her and often comes to my sister’s school to meet her. Their school is the same, but the boys’ campus is at a distance of approximately 3 km from the girls’ campus. He has a silly way of expressing his liking for my sister by giving her chocolates. The problem is that such behaviour is not appreciated in our family and my sister is having this affair behind our parents’ back. Apart from her friends, I am the only one who knows about this secret. My sister made me promise not to tell my mother before telling this secret to me. She chats with him regularly on Facebook and has added him on Skype as well. I am very worried about their relationship, as this can destroy her future and can also bring shame to my parents and to her if she is caught by the school administration. I cannot tell my mother about this as I have promised my sister. I am now thinking about taking the matter to my father. It may help her leave the boy and take the right path.

Concerned Brother

Dear Concerned Brother,

It’s good to know that you are not a narrow-minded brother and do not bear a typical mindset and have given her the level of comfort where she shares her secrets with you. It’s kind of sweet of you to take care of your sister’s feelings. Your concern about your sister is genuine. Any loving brother would think that way. She is very immature and you must protect her. First you must check out the reputation of the guy she is in love with. Meet him personally and try to become H’s friend, too. When he becomes your friend as well, he will be obliged to respect your sister. Just be with them wherever they go, and you will have this satisfaction that your sister is not in bad hands. If you don’t like the guy and think he will be a bad influence on your sister, you will have to bring the matter to your parents’ notice. So you need to be very careful and tackle the situation very tactfully. May be H’s intentions are not bad – giving chocolates to one’s friends is a very cute gesture. I don’t think there is anything objectionable about it. And don’t worry; both H and A are both very young, it’s just a passing fancy and both will get over with their romance soon. Good luck! 

 How can I build my confidence?

Hi Guru,

I am 25 years old and belong to Peshawar. I am doing my MBA from a prestigious institution. I have also done Master in Archaeology. My problem is that I lack confidence. I feel very shy when confronting my colleagues, my class fellows and attending other social gathering, meeting etc. Presenting something in front of my colleagues in class or presenting something in social gathering is tough for me. Actually, I am also a volunteer of Pakistan Red Crescent Society, where I attend different kinds of disaster management related trainings, and dissemination sessions about disaster reduction trainings, and there I am unable to perform my activities smoothly due to my shy personality. Please give me some useful tips.

F. N

Dear F.N,

Your lack of confidence indicates that you have been brought up in a very strict environment. Children who are brought up in reserved families tend to become shy adults. You are mature now and you must try to overcome your weakness in order to lead a better social life. Below are some of the tips which may help you in building your confidence as well as boosting your self-esteem:

l Try to dress up smartly. Appearance counts a lot. When you know that you are looking good, it automatically enhances your level of confidence.

l Haven’t you noticed that confident people always sit straight and walk fast? So pay special attention to your posture and try to walk fast. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self-confidence. By maintaining a good posture, you will naturally feel more confident.

l When attending a lecture or seminar, try to sit in the front row so that others can also notice you. This will help you in killing your inner fear of facing people.

l Last but not least, practice what you need to say before participating in any group discussion. Stand in front of the mirror and speak; this will definitely help you in becoming a better speaker. Good luck!