Dear Nadine,

I am a 21-year-old girl, about to get married. I am facing complex problems. My father is always in and out of affairs, due to which his relationship with my mother has always been strained. Even now that he is a grandfather, he has not reformed his ways. My mother is planning to leave him and settle abroad with her parents after my wedding, as she is fed up of his affairs. My two older brothers are married and have kids, and they have tried to speak to my father regarding his women friends, but my father does not listen to them. I don’t want my mother to leave the country because I will miss her a lot. My in-laws are my paternal relatives and they know all about my father, so I am not afraid of their reaction, but I still want my mother to stay with my father. After all, parents are supposed to be together, but my mother is not willing to listen to my pleas. How can I make my parents reconcile? Sometimes I feel like my parents don’t care about my feelings. I’ve had enough of their attitude and need a solution. Please help!

Desperate Daughter

Dear Desperate Daughter,

I can really sympathise with you. You are going through a traumatic situation, especially since you are about to get married, but there is not a lot that you can do. Usually, guys are worried about the reaction of their parents or grandparents and of their grown-up sons but in your case it seems that your father is not concerned with what relatives and other people think about his doings. Married life for your mother must have been very painful and humiliating, since your father’s transgressions seem to be common knowledge. If she wants to end this sham of a married life, she has a right to do so. Let her go and spend time with her parents. This will give her time to sort out her thoughts and plan for the future. It’s not easy to come to terms with the harsh reality that your parents would be separated, but the sooner you accept it, the better it is for your own mental peace. It’s unfortunate but your parents have chosen their own paths as they are both mature and know what they are doing. You should offer moral support to your mother, and respect her decision. She has stayed with your father all this while probably because she did not want her situation to reflect on you. Now it is your turn to make a little sacrifice. And, it is possible that this separation might bring your parents closer! Good luck!

Dear Professor,

I am a 27-year-old unmarried girl and at present I am employed at a prestigious firm. I am in love with a person who is 44 years old. He is a very highly educated and accomplished man. He loves me a lot too and has promised to marry me. We have been working together for two years and he has always treated me with love and respect. The problem is that he is divorced and has three kids with his previous wife. His ex-wife is a US citizen who lives in the US and he goes there and stays with her for six months because he wants his green card, and that is why he has not declared his divorce. He told me that he divorced her because she was involved with some other men and has had many illicit relationships in the past.

He has been in the US for the past eight months but he calls me daily. At present, he is living with his ex-wife, but only because he has to. I trust him completely as he never lies to me, but my parents don’t approve of our relationship. He has told me that he would get his green card in a month and would marry me, but the thing is that my parents do not want me to marry him. I have refused many good proposals because of him and I just want to marry him. What should I do in this situation? Please don’t tell me to forget him, because I cannot live without him.

Girl in Trouble

Dear Nadine,

I am a 21-year-old girl doing my Masters. Some time back, I met a boy, ‘N’, via the Internet and we hit it off immediately. Soon I fell in love with him, but did not note anything particular in his attitude to show that he returned my regard. We have remained close friends for two years now, have also met each other. Still, he has not expressed his love for me. Last month, my parents accepted a proposal for me, and when I told ‘N’ he congratulated me warmly. It really broke my heart, for I think he was waiting for the right time to tell me that he loved me. Should I tell him about my feelings, or should I preserve my self-respect and get married to the guy my parents want me to.

Miserable Virgo

Dear Miserable Virgo,

Internet friendships are taken very seriously by girls, but what they should understand is that for most guys it is just a fun pastime. ‘N’, to his credit, never deceived you by saying that he was in love with you. Had he been in love with you, he would have told you so. There is no point telling him anything now. So, hold on to your self-respect, and try to forget him. Best of luck!

Dear Girl in Trouble,

It seems you are wasting precious time after this guy who has been conning you for two years now. He told you he is divorced, and you believe him without paying any attention to the fact that had he really been divorced, his ex-wife would not sponsor him. Since she is a US citizen, she has nothing to gain by keeping the pretence of being married to him. In all probability, he is still married and that is why he goes to the US and stays with her. I cannot blame your parents for not liking this match. You really should break off this relationship, and move ahead. Accept a good proposal and get married. You are already 27 years of age and do not have a lot of time at hand to land a good proposal. By the way, have you tried contacting his ex-wife to find out the facts? He accused her of having illicit affairs and you took his words! And he has been living with this unfaithful wife for eight months! My dear, once he gets his green card, you probably won’t see his face. Will yourself to get over him, for he is just using you to pass his time pleasantly while he is in Pakistan. Instead of letting him two-time you, ditch him! You told me not to ask you to forget him, but there are times you have to do things that seem drastic, but it is your future you must think about. Don’t throw away your life, dear, and marry a good guy nearer your age. Best of luck!

Problems that need a solution? You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Note: If you feel you need someone to talk to when you are alone,

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Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine,

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