‘Saif Ali Khan to turn Agony Aunt', scream headlines, and we say, about time! And also, how apt; and also, always the agony, never the aunt (and all variations of that). The possibilities of wordplay on this one are endless, and we'll let you conjure up your own. The best one gets a free collagen stab on their 39th birthday, straight from Saif's own forehead.

So anyway, to promote his film Cocktail, in which Saif 'gets intimate with Deepika and Diana', Saif and Deepika will both be available to the young and in love across the world as they hand out free advice on relationships. As we all know, who better than Saif Ali Khan to give relationship advice, as his own relationships follow the golden rule of do unto others as you would have others do unto you. In Saifspeak this means wear your wife's jeans while shooting for movies and cut your hair in the exact same shag as hers. Cue Amrita Singh and the '90s.

Deepika too is great at relationships, as evidenced by her time with Ranbir Kapoor whence she had said, paraphrased here: 'In five years I see myself being Mrs Ranbir Kapoor'. This was not inappropriate at all given that Ranpika had only been together for about five months at that time. For further definition of Deepika Padukone's dexterity at relationships, she has an RK tattoo from the Ranbir days which she has no plans of ever removing. The lesson here is to never get initials as a 'Winona Forever' may be lasered into a 'Wino Forever' (Johnny Depp’s mad humour), but an 'RK' is for life.

The official words on the expert advice by Deepika and Saif is thus: "Both will provide their own perspective on issues. While Saif will throw light on relationship dilemmas from a guy's point of view, Deepika will try to solve difficulties of women with commitment issues." Once again, how apt, because only women with commitment issues tattoo their philandering lover's name on their self.

Cocktail is a film apparently about a love triangle featuring a comedy of errors and Boman Irani. The film releases July 13 worldwide.