Salaam Guru,

My problem is very complicated. I got involved with a rich, 50-year-old married man some two years ago and convinced my family to let me marry him. He had one wife, two married daughters and three sons. Unfortunately, he died in a car accident and I could not marry him. Later, we shifted to another city and I became involved with a boy, B, who was of my age group. He is good looking but has only done matriculation. I tried to convince my family again for B but this time my family got another proposal, C, for me. I insisted on marrying B and they tortured me. My younger sister came to protect me and she also was beaten with me.

Guru! I really love B and I don’t want to marry C, but my family wants me to marry C. Actually they want to save their reputation and they want to sacrifice me for the sake of caste and ego. They say that B cannot provide me the basic necessities of life. C is also good looking and a well-earning gentleman but B is important for me. My ‘nikah’ is going to be held immediately. What should I do? Help me please. I am very upset.

Desperate Soul

Dear Desperate Soul,

You are one of those people who fall in love with the wrong people. First, you fell in love with a mature and married man and that was a total miss-match. Fortunately or unfortunately, his death saved you from impending ruin. Then again you fell in love with the wrong guy. These days even graduates find it difficult to get decent jobs, and B is simply a matriculate. Your parents’ apprehensions are right; B is not qualified enough to provide you a good life. You are lucky that you have another good proposal. I know at this stage you are hopelessly in love with B, but you have to think realistically. Be practical and think with a cool mind. Look at the positive points of C – he is educated, well placed and good looking, too. And above all, he has your parents’ approval. On the other hand, B does not have anything substantial except for his looks. Mind you, to remain happy in your married life you will need a comfortable life and to lead a comfortable life, you will need money which apparently B will not be able to provide you. I advise you to listen to your parents, as they are your well wishers and want to see you settled and happy. Don’t think negatively, they are just trying to save you from taking another wrong decision. So, forget everything and be mentally prepared for your wedding with C. Hopefully, you will not regret your decision this time. Good luck! 

He has made my life miserable

Hello Guru,

I am a 17-year-old girl. I have been in a relationship with a boy, Z, for the last two years. He proposed to me when I was 15. I was immature and stupid. He was the most amazing person you could have ever imagined. We had mental compatibility and I was very happy with him.

However, for the last one year, he          has changed a lot. He has become conservative, possessive and abusive. Of late, he has started abusing me for small things. In the last couple of months he has broken up with me many a time. Our relationship is now like a roller coaster ride – one day he says he loves me, the other day he says he hates me. He keeps an eye on my activities and fights with me if I go anywhere without his permission. I am so sick and tired of his irrational behaviour. When I refuse to talk to him, he pleads to me to talk to him and says that he would commit suicide if I discontinue talking to him. I don’t want to continue with him as he has some personality disorder because there is no other logical explanation for this kind of behaviour which he calls love. Then I think that I should talk to him till his exams (these days he is having his papers and I don’t want to mentally disturb him) and I will break up with him after that. I am completely stuck. Kindly tell me what to do as soon as you can.

Trapped Girl

Dear Trapped Girl,

Haven’t you seen films made on psychos? They usually are attention seekers and blackmailers. But they are not dangerous as they themselves are cowards from inside. Don’t worry; your psycho boyfriend will never commit suicide. He is only using this tactic to harass you. I don’t understand why you are putting up with his irrational and erratic behaviour. I think you better get rid of your boyfriend as soon as possible. You cannot afford to be in a relationship with a person as unstable as this guy. Don’t wait till his exams are over. Even after his exams he will not stop stalking you. He will come up with another excuse to be in touch with you. Next time when he breaks up with you and then call you again you don’t need to pick up his phone. And if he keeps harassing you then just change your mobile number and tell your other friends, too, that they should not give your new number to him. Do not feel guilty or feel sorry for him. This is your life and you have all the rights to live your life on your own terms and conditions. So, in order to have a stress free life, free yourself from the clutches of this guy immediately. Good luck!