My mother irritates me

Salaam Guru,

I am a 16-year-old girl, studying in co-ed. I am a regular reader of your column. I think that your answers are wise and I hope you can give a wise answer to my problem, too. Actually I love a boy ‘A’ who is the most awesome boy on this whole planet. We are like best of friends and I think he likes me too.

My core problem is my mother. She knows that ‘A’ is my friend but she is not aware that I love him too. Though my mother is nice and loving, she keeps tabs on me all the time. My mother likes to be around whenever my male friends come over, especially A. Whenever A comes to my place, she does not leave us alone even for a single minute. Guru, in this situation it has become very difficult for me to express my love to A. I am so sick and tired of my mother’s behaviour. She irritates me a lot. Please tell me how to tackle the situation. 

Confused Girl

Dear Confused Girl,

You need to understand that in our society free mingling of boys and girls is still not acceptable by and large. You are fortunate that your home environment is liberal and your parents have no objection in having your male friends at home. You are only 16 and you cannot expect total freedom at this age. You are not even 18 yet – an age when you are mature enough to take your decisions. I think your mother’s behaviour is pretty normal. Every sensible mother likes to know what sort of company their teenage kids keep. There is nothing to create fuss about. In fact, you should appreciate your mother for being so friendly and understanding instead of criticising her. There are very strict mothers, too, who don’t even allow their daughters to talk to any male, so consider yourself lucky. Of course, your mother will not allow you to sit alone in your room with your male friends, and you can’t really complain about it. As for your feelings for A, I think it’s just a passing fancy and you will get over this phase soon. And it’s better to keep your feelings to yourself and let A take the initiative. Concentrate on your studies and be nice to your mother. Just remember, she is your well wisher and not your enemy. Good luck!  

I am in love with my cousin

Dear Guru,

I am 17 years old. Being a girl, I haven’t been friends with any guy. I don’t even do stuff like dating, etc. Actually, my problem is that I have been in love          since 2008   with one of my cousins who lives abroad with his family. He is almost 20 years old. They haven’t come to Pakistan for the last five years but I have seen him through Facebook. We are also not very close to one another. The problem is that I am too scared to tell him about my feelings. Sometimes I also cry. I don’t know what I should do. It is a very big thing for me to love somebody and he doesn’t even know about it. My exams are also near and I decided to tell him about my feelings but after the exams. Please tell me what to do. It will affect my whole life if he doesn’t give me a positive response. Should I tell him? If yes, then when? Now or after the exams? Let me tell you that our family is not very liberal and girls cannot have boyfriends. My      second problem is that my English is          very weak. Please help me out of these problems.

Depressed Student

Dear Depressed Student,

If you are so madly in love with your cousin then it’s better if you tell him frankly how you actually feel about him. At least, this will save you from confusion and you will know where you stand. You also need to understand that one cannot force anyone to fall in love, it just happens. So, be mentally prepared if your feelings are not reciprocated. And I think you should disclose your feelings after exams. Right now you need to focus on your studies and you just cannot afford to waste your precious time. As a student, your studies should be your priority and the rest of the matters can be solved later.

As for your weak English, I advise you to start reading English newspapers and magazines, and whenever you come across any difficult word, just look up the meaning in the dictionary. This will enhance your vocabulary. Also, watch English movies and programmes in order to improve your accent and correct pronunciation of different words. As they say ‘practice makes a man perfect’, so talk as much as you can in English with your colleagues and friends and you will notice tremendous improvement in your language skills. Good luck!  

I am too shy

Hi Guru,

I love the way you solve problems. I am a 16-year-old girl. My problem is that I am very shy. I have many male friends. I chat with them on Facebook, but I can’t talk to them face to face. What should I do?

Shy Girl

Dear Shy Girl,

Generally, girls are shy at your age but don’t worry, you will gain confidence over a period of time. You must try to overcome your shyness and to do that you must try to converse with people face to face. You have many male friends and you are comfortable chatting with them on Facebook which indicates that you are an interesting person and an intelligent girl. All you need is to gain a bit of confidence to face all your friends in real life. Good luck!