I am a 55-year-old school teacher. I am married, but I don't have children. My problem may seem strange to you, but it is killing me. I don't trust my husband, and think that he wants me dead so he can get my property and re-marry. Actually, I got married when I was 41. My husband is three months younger to me. In the beginning, everything was okay, but I did not conceive. My husband and in-laws did not say anything to me, but I don't know why I just got this feeling of insecurity. Why should he tolerate me when I cannot give him a child? I am so desperate that when I fall sick and he brings medicine for me, I throw them and buy my own medicine. The house we live in is mine, and my brother has suggested that if I give it to one of my nieces or nephews, my husband will not have any reason to take my life. I have been considering this option seriously, but wanted to seek the opinion of someone who is not involved. Please tell what I should do? Test my husband by giving away the house, or just have it out with him?
Dear Desperate Wife,
In 14 years, your husband has not killed you, so why should he do it now? Is it possible that your brother is putting these ideas in your head because he wants the house for his family as you have no children of your own? You have not given one reason to justify your distrust for your husband. It seems he and his family members are nice people because they have not said anything about you not having a baby. Husband and wife also develop companionship which makes the marriage go. So, it is possible that your husband loves you, and that is why he does not have a problem with not having children. What you need to understand is that it is God's will we must submit to. Your husband has accepted it and is happy with you. You should also get rid of this ridiculous notion that he wants to murder you. God knows where you got this idea about adulterated medicine, but to put your mind at ease, instead of throwing medicine, get them tested from a lab. Tell your brother that you have decided to give your house in charity and observe his behaviour. In fact, try it with your husband and see what he says. Best of luck!
Dear Desperate for Solution,
Yours is a medical problem and I am not qualified to advise you in this regard. Besides, you would probably need surgery to settle the problem, but again it would be for the doctor to decide. My suggestion would be to come to Hyderabad, as it is the nearest city with the medical facilities you would require. I disagree with your friend's advice; the midwife will neither have the knowledge nor the expertise and will only cause damage to your system. You have to tell your sister-in-law about this problem, and let her discuss the logistics with your brother. Above all, don't feel guilty and embarrassed as it is not your fault. A competent gynaecologist would take care of it in a jiffy. Good luck!
I am a 38-year-old married woman. I have a nice husband and two kids, and I am a lecturer by profession. My husband is very helpful generally, and his parents are not alive. The problem for me occurred when, on a visit to my parents' house, my husband did not like what my mother said in a discussion about family issues. My mother sort of over-reacted and my husband felt hurt. He told me that he didn't like her attitude. I would like to add that my mother is a straight forward person, who always speaks her mind no matter who is present. After that incident, my husband has become reserved in his attitude and is quite cold to my parents, although my parents have apologised to him. My husband is fine with me and allows me to visit my parents' house but he doesn't want to go there or even talk to them because he says he has been insulted, and does not want it to happen again. This situation has made me very upset. My parents' response has also been cold, because of my husband's cold attitude. I told my parents that they should show warmth and love to my husband because he is hurt. My parents say that they respect him but his behaviour is demeaning. I am sick of this situation and want things to normalise. I don't feel good when I go alone to my parents' house. Please help me tackle this situation.
Dear Sincere Soul,
As a daughter and wife, your position is not enviable. I totally understand the emotional turmoil you are experiencing at the moment, but you need to think over the situation without becoming emotional and especially without bias. Your mother overreacted, but despite being older, your parents apologised to your husband. On the other hand, your husband was not gracious in his behaviour. How could he allow people who are his parents-in-law to eat humble pie? He should have brushed their apologies and dealt with the situation in a light manner. That would have shown good breeding! He is acting boorish and you seem to think it is magnanimous of him to allow you to visit your parents! You should gently and diplomatically make your husband realise that your parents are old people and one should ignore certain things when dealing with senior citizens. According to Islamic injunctions, a man cannot prevent his wife from visiting her parents. According to societal and moral norms, he should respect his parents-in-law. If he persists in his rude and petulant attitude, you should ignore it and stop being worried about his not visiting your parents. They are your parents, and your duty is not to let them down. How can you ask them to show warmth to him and not tell your husband to show respect to your parents? Your parents are totally right, and you must understand their stance. They deserve respect from their children; not lectures about being nice to their rude spouses.
These things happen in families, and troubles do not disappear overnight. Some things are left to the ultimate healer - Time - to take care of. Don't try to rush either your husband or your parents. You preserve your normal behaviour with both the parties and pray to God to make things right. Best of luck!
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